Is accountability a b*tch for you?
Why does accountability seem so hard?
A friend explained it to me very simply once. Above the line behaviours are: accountability, responsibility and ownership and below the line behaviours are blame, excuses and denial. Why then, does it seem so hard to be above the line? Why does accountability scare us so much?
1. There is no-one left to blame. When we take full accountability for our lives we have to let go of the victim-energy of blaming others. This can be hard work if it’s been your way of operating in the world. Judging others and placing expectations upon them while we are not prepared to do anything ourselves gives our own inner critic prime seating in our life. It takes courage to rip the chair out from underneath your own inner critic and say that you’re done with that. It’s not always going to happen instantly. It takes time to notice when that critic comes creeping back in, to change that behaviour and choose better. Yip, it takes time to learn how to stop b*tching about other people. I’ve been that person. The one who had an ego feast and enjoyed attacking others because it made me feel better about my own shortcomings. It always felt BAD though, like drinking too much or eating food that is unhealthy. You can go into unconsciousness about it but you know on some level it’s still hurting you.
Accountability is healthy. It feels good and when you feel good, you feel good to others around you. They know they can trust you so they tell you things they don’t share with others. You create a paradigm where there is more SAFETY.
2. Denial is easier than truth. Gloria Steinem was right when she said: “The truth will set you free but first, it will piss you off”. Damn straight! Truth is confronting. Truth cuts through crap like a laser beam and can leave us feeling defenceless when it comes to facing our own self-sabotaging behaviours such as unconsciousness, procrastination and lack of awareness. Truth is a high frequency and it will not lower itself to meet your desires; you have to uplevel to reach it. You have to shed the layers of lies to rise up. Secrets and lies are HEAVY. The lies we tell ourselves are the heaviest. If you’re wondering why you feel unenthusiastic, lacking energy or even just tired ask yourself where you are lying to yourself?! Your intuition will be happy to show you this!
3. We’re scared of our feelings. Why don’t they teach us how to feel our feelings at school? It would have been a damn sight more useful than algebra! It’s often not until we are adults that we learn that something is REALLY not right and that it’s connected to how we feel. It can often be the time when we have a breakdown (or a breakthrough!) that our body says, something has to give! Negative feelings are a signal that something is off, that something is wrong. How many billions of dollars have been spent by humans wanting to change their state and avoid feeling how they are really feeling? The inability to feel and process emotion is the root cause of addiction which results in alcohol and drug abuse. How much heartache has that caused? Do you know someone who has been affected by that? It’s all too common. Powerlessness creates a range from mild despair, to full-blown anxiety, to kids picking up guns and taking them to school to shoot other kids! When does the madness end? To be part of a new revolution (and a revolution it must be as change must be done now and radically) we need to learn how to accept and love ALL our emotions and to realise they are a guidance system. If you feel bad something is off! If you feel good you’re in flow! We’ve made it way too complicated and we’ve given our power away to instant gratification and not being prepared to do the work of truly being present to ourselves and all that we are. Accountability for your emotions is not easy but it can change your life.
4. We’re afraid of change. I see this a lot where people give their power away to their job, their life, their situation, their partner, their schedule, their kids, their finances. They prefer to live externally rather than be present to themselves and prefer to give, give, give all the time. Yes, I hear you say but you don’t understand MY situation. I’ve heard it all before. At the end of the day choosing to give to yourself is a CHOICE. Fear creeps and says what if I don’t like what I see within myself? What if it’s unlovable? What if it’s painful? The irony is it’s MORE painful NOT to look. It’s more painful NOT to be present to ourselves. It’s more painful to keep on DENYING ourselves love. We can not avoid being changed if we take the time to be present to ourselves. We truly are our own salvation. We are the ones who can choose ourselves and choose to love everything that we are, the light and the dark. The more acceptance we have towards self, the easier it is to be more accountable for ourselves and so, in turn, we can experience greater levels of happiness.
What will you do to make accountability your choice today? How can you make accountability the best thing that ever happened to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.